July 14, 2014

A Shift In Attitude

When I wrote this post, I pretty much wrote whatever came to mind. I'm not sure how cohesive it is, but it makes sense to me! Anyway, read on....

*********************************************************************************

Last month I went on vacation for 1 week to Ixtapa, Mexico and had a great time with my husband as we celebrated our 4th wedding anniversary. It was nice to get away and just relax and spend time with him. Not worrying about auditions, meetings, headshots, etc. was great and very calming. There were a couple of hiccups on the trip (Obviously, you shouldn't drink the water, but I completely forgot about the ice. Ugh.), but overall, it was a great vacay.

But as is my nature, the second our plane touched down in LA, I was desperate to get back to work.

After writing my last post, I decided to take a short break from blogging. As I said when I did my last update, things have been pretty slow.

Yup, still slow.

I was at that point where I was starting to get incredibly frustrated and antsy. Angry. Just pissed off. I didn't understand what the fuck was going on (!!!) and it made me second guess EVERYTHING.

Is it my hair? Am I untalented? Do I have the right reps? What the fuck!?

*Deep Breath*

I recently had a sit down with my agents. By the way, I now have two agents at CTG and I'm excited to see what transpires over the next couple of months. Anyway, it's obviously one of the slower times of the year, as my agents patiently reminded me, but since I'm seeing friends of mine with a similar "type" getting out there for auditions, I'm questioning why it's not happening for me.

Having been in LA for a solid 18 months now, I figured that my new relationships with casting directors that have already seen me would contribute to netting me more auditions.

And then, there was a shift in my perspective.



I don't know when the shift happened, but I made a conscious decision that I will no longer be afraid. Of anything. In the past, I've described myself, and been described, as someone who is fearless. For the most part, I've felt that way. But deep down, I have so many things that scare me. Things that I put off or give a half assed effort to because I don't know what to expect or can't control the outcome.

The biggest issue for me to tackle was my management.

As most of you may know, I'd been with my manager at Prestige Management Group for almost 5 years. I won't get into all the details, but when my contract ended in June, I decided not to re-sign. It was very difficult and I'd spent a few months agonizing over the decision, but once I make up my mind, that's it. And I feel that it was the right move for me.

I wanted to part ways with my manager a while ago, but I didn't because I'd never NOT had a manager. I was afraid of what would happen if I didn't have one. Now, I understand that whatever happens is what is supposed to happen and prolonging the inevitable is just a waste of time. My manager was great and I would still recommend him to anyone that asked, but for where I'm at in my career, it was time to move on.

The fact is, I'm getting older and I'm growing and changing as a human being, actor, and business woman. Outgrowing things and people is simply a part of life and we must embrace change, whether we're ready for it or not. Being afraid is pointless.

Not every job is meant for me. But the ones that are, will be mine. I won't get called in for every audition, but when I do, I know that I'll be ready. If I'm not ready, that's my own fault and my own lack of preparation. I'm not going to agonize over it anymore or scare myself silly thinking about this uphill climb that we actors have set out on. This is what I've chosen to do with my life and I'm committed. It's not to say that some days won't be hard, or that I won't have those moments where I'm feeling down on myself. I'm human. But I'm now more conscious of those feelings and I've found ways to get myself back on track when I'm feeling that way.

On a minor note, I recently made a semi-drastic hair change. I shot new headshots today and will share the photos with you when I have the retouched images.

I expect (hope) that I'll be experiencing even more changes over the next several months. I'm certain of it.


4 comments:

  1. Andrea, I believe the word and it says; As a man thinketh, so is he, which goes for us women as well. Changing your attitude/outlook makes all the difference. I learned long ago it is all about how you see things. If you chose to put on muddy eye glasses your vision will be cloudy. If you choose to clean the glasses you will see things clearly. Good for you in having a small pity party with hardly any guest and then celebrating what is true in your life. You are a beautifully talented young woman, and it is right for you to claim this as your season for favor. I am praying for it for you. Here is a link to a song that is a favorite of me and my husband as we struggle to make things happen for us and our clients - William Murphy (It is Working, Grace and Favor). http://youtu.be/ix4hCbe9wk8

    Take care,
    blessings.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Hey Andrea! I'm wishing you all the best girl. You'll be happy with your decision to let go of your manager and better things will come from it!

    ReplyDelete